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Helping
You Balance Work and Family
Volume:
10 Issue: 5
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When is it OK to
leave children at home alone? By Kathy Jelley, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Brown County How can you tell if your
child is ready to stay at home alone and care for themselves? Unfortunately, there is no
magic age at which a child develops the maturity and good sense they need to
stay alone. Some children may be ready for self care between 10 and 12 years of
age, and others may need a few more years to develop necessary skills and
self-confidence. Fortunately, there are some
signs that show your child may be ready for self-care. First, your child should
indicate a desire and willingness to stay alone. Children who are frightened
easily or express an unwillingness to stay alone are probably not ready for this
responsibility. In addition, children that are ready to stay home alone should
be showing signs of accepting responsibility, such as getting ready for school
on time, completing homework and household chores with minimum supervision,
solving problems on their own, and talking openly to you about their feelings. To decide if your child is
ready, consider the following questions. If you answer "yes" to these
questions, you can feel more confident about leaving your child at home for
short periods of time. • Can your child lock and
unlock the doors and windows in your home? • Can your child recite
his/her name, telephone number and address even under stress? • Can your child
accurately tell time? • Can your child answer
the phone properly and take an accurate message? • Does your child know how
to use the telephone to call you or a trusted neighbor? • Can your child perform
everyday tasks such as preparing a snack or meal, opening the refrigerator,
using the microwave, using a toaster or getting water from the tap? • Does your child
understand what "stranger" and "emergency" mean? • Does your child have
good judgment about which problems he or she can handle alone and when to ask
for adult help? • Does your child feel
confident about being home alone? • Do you feel confident
that your child will be safe alone while you are away? Is your home in good
repair and is your neighborhood a safe place? If you answer "no"
to any question, be sure to turn it into a "yes" before leaving your
child alone.
In mid-April, headlines reported that children who spent more hours in childcare tended to be more aggressive with classmates and defiant toward teachers when they entered Kindergarten. It didn’t even matter if “childcare” was a relative or in-home nanny — results were the same. But parents shouldn’t panic. A closer look at the results reveals that 17 percent of children who spent more than 30 hours a week in childcare appeared to be more aggressive. That means 83 percent of those children were not more aggressive. It’s also important to note that 9 percent of children who stayed home with a parent also were labeled as aggressive. Plus, the study did not specifically label childcare as the cause of negative behaviors. Parental stress might have something to do with it, or inflexible work schedules, or any number of things. Finally, the study found that children in high-quality care have better language and memory skills by age 5 compared with those who stayed home. And, “aggressive” conduct included assertive behaviors such as taking initiative, being willing to ask questions and problem solving — all good, positive things. Quality of care is the most important variable. Look for it. — Michelle Sanderson, interim director of Sophie Rogers Lab School and Child Care Program, The Ohio State University
Relieving guilt and anxiety when it comes to child care By Carolyn S. Hall, Family and Consumer Sciences and 4-H Youth Development Program Assistant for Ohio State University Extension in Marion County It is normal to feel guilty about employing someone outside the family to care for your children. It is also not unusual to feel anxious about the child care choices you have made. To relieve this guilt and anxiety, parents must first learn the difference between the two. Guilt is believing that a rule, agreement, or promise has been broken. Anxiety is the uncomfortable feeling of not being able to predict or control a part of your life, and because of that you are afraid things will turn out badly. Here are a few ideas to help a parent feel less guilty: • Be prepared to explain the child care decision for family and friends. • Discuss feelings with parents who have made similar child care decisions. • Discuss guilt feelings with the child care provider, they will be able to provide support. • If family or friends express opinions that increase your guilt feeling, ask them to stop. The best way to alleviate anxiety is to do something constructive that helps answers the questions in your mind. Try these suggestions: • Begin your search for child care early. • Check out all of the possibilities before a final decision is reached. • Make the child’s transition into care gradual. • Make unannounced visits to the care facility. • Question the provider if there is a worry or concern. • Do not be afraid to reassess the child care decision. Is there a better choice? Guilt and anxiety are normal feelings associated with having children in child care, but they can be controlled.
Getting your 'money’s worth' out of child care By LuAnn Freppon, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Richland County “I am paying all this money, I want my child to learn something while they are at child care!” “This is pre-school, my child should know more than others when they reach kindergarten.” “This after-school program should help my child advance in her school work.” Many parents expect early childhood programs to be like school. They feel if their children are in a group, they should be learning, just like they did, in elementary school. Or they feel their school-age child should advance in academic work because of the program after school. It is important for parents to remember the idea of “age-appropriate” activities and “child directed” activity. These concepts can be difficult for the parent who wants their child to excel. Age-appropriate activities are activities that correspond to the child’s development. It would not be appropriate to have “potty chairs” in an infant classroom or high chairs in a typical pre-school classroom. Yet, there are parents who want to see their children doing alphabet work sheets in preschool. Ideas about inappropriate physical expectations seem ridiculous, but in eagerness to see their children develop their brains and learning skills, it is difficult to see how unrealistic it is to expect preschool children to do work that we would expect a 4th grader to do. Early childhood classrooms that are age appropriate appear to be more like play-time than school. In an age-appropriate class, children make choices about their activities and learning. It may appear to be more like organized chaos. In an after-school program, children should be relaxing, playing or participating in movement or physical activities. The program should not be more hours of school, but a release from organized learning. Age-appropriate activities teach social skills, problem-solving, and pre-reading, or pre-math skills. To get your money’s worth out of child care programs, your child should be learning these skills and developing at their own pace. These skills are priceless and enhance any child’s development.
By Mary F. Longo, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Marion County Parents considering child care often think a higher fee means better quality care, but this is not always true. A program that charges a lower fee could provide lower-quality care, but it may also do a better job than a moderately priced or expensive program. Without price as a reliable indicator, you must compare programs carefully. The quality of the caregivers working directly with your child should be the top priority. In a center-based program, see how many children each caregiver is responsible for as well as how much training the providers have. If the choice is between better-paid, more-educated providers in a modest setting or less-well paid and less-educated providers in a beautiful setting, select the modest setting. Years from now, your child will remember the interactions with the provider, not the building. In family or home-based child care settings, a higher price usually means the provider has had more training. The extra money helps pay for training, classes or legal regulations. However, this does not necessarily mean the lower priced, less educated provider is not equally as good with children. Take time to visit potential providers on several occasions. Visit during different times of the day so you can see different energy levels. The time you put into your selection is a valuable investment, as good child care arrangements are essential for working parents. Parents with good child care arrangements are absent from work less often and are more productive while on the job than those with inadequate child care.
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All educational programs conducted by Ohio State University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status.March 2001Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President
Agriculture Administration and Director, OSU Extension
TDD No. 800-589-8292 (Ohio only) or 614-292-1868