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Helping
You Balance Work and Family
Volume:
10 Issue: 6
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Keys to happiness don't cost much By Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Family and Consumer
Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Morrow County When you dream about your children's futures, what do
you imagine for them? A high prestige occupation with a huge salary? A big house
and luxurious vacations? Diamonds and sports cars? Some days it seems like everywhere we turn there's a
message of some type telling us that money and luxuries are what we need to live
a happy and satisfying life. It's easy to come to believe that money is the key
to happiness. But is it? Within the last 20 years or so, psychologists have
been trying find out what makes people happy. Surprise: Money is not one of
those things! For example, do you think you would be happy if you won the
lottery? Well, OK, winning the lottery makes people happy — but only briefly.
Within a year or two of winning, lottery winners are no more satisfied with
their lives than are non-winners. In fact, winning the lottery can even create
dissatisfaction! One study found that winners of the Illinois state lottery
rated common, everyday pleasures (such as watching television, eating breakfast
and hearing a funny joke) as being less pleasurable than non-lottery winners. Being rich is does not make people happy. Once you
can pay bills on time, live in a reasonably comfortable home and enjoy a few
small pleasures, having more money does not create more happiness. The rich
rarely rate themselves as happier than the non-rich, and people whose incomes
have increased over time are not happier than those whose incomes remained about
the same. For more information, see: • Causes
and Correlates of Happiness (1998) by
M. Arglye, in Well-Being: The Foundations
of Hedonic Psychology, by D. Kahneman, E. Diener, & N. Schwarz (Eds.). • Lottery Winners and Accident Victims: Is
Happiness Relative? (1978) by P. Brickman, D. Coates and R.J. Janoff-Bulman, in
the Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 36, 917-927. • Subjective Well-Being: The Science of
Happiness and a Proposal for a National Index (2000), by E. Diener, in American
Psychologist, 55, 34-43.
Building children's assets vital to well-being By Melinda Hill, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Wayne County Are assets really that important? Recent research from the Search Institute indicates that they really are. The 20 external and 20 internal character traits studied suggest that individuals who rely on more of those assets are able to make responsible decisions more frequently. External assets include family support, youth programs, caring neighborhoods and a safe environment. Internal assets include being honest, being responsible, being engaged in school, and being able to resolve conflict peacefully. The more of these traits children have, the less likely they are to be involved in premature sexual activity, drug use, anti-social behavior, violence and alcohol use. All adults can all be asset builders because children are always watching for role models. Raise your level of awareness concerning assets and begin to see relationships with children in a new way. Source: The Search Institute, http://www.search-institute.org/research/assets/index.htm
By Nancy Stehulak, FCS Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Henry County It was a hot day in July and she should have been ecstatic about finally moving into a new home. Myra looked out the window to see the source of her displeasure: Where there would someday be a lawn — she could picture the grass growing green and lush — she saw just brown soil. Out on this patch were four figures — her husband Frank and her three sons, 11, 9and 8 years old. Out in the heat, they were picking up rocks that had been turned over with the moving of the soil for the house. Myra could hear the children complaining. "Dad, are we done yet?" "How many more rocks do we need to pick up?" "Dad, it's really hot out here." The complaining continued and she grew more frustrated, wondering, too, why it was so important to do this job while everyone seemed miserable. Myra began to listen to Frank's remarks back to the boys. "No, we aren't finished yet." "Let's keep going." The complaints continued until she heard one of the boys ask "Do we have to pick all of the rocks up today?" at which his father answered, "No, not all." The boys began thinking, even though the rocks continued to be dropped into the wheelbarrow at a slower and slower rate. Finally, she heard one of the boys ask, "How will we know when we are finished?" His dad looked at him and said, "We'll know we are finished when we are having fun. You see, there are many jobs that need to be done in this world, and not all of them are fun. It's our job to figure out how to enjoy the work we have to do. So, when we are having fun, we will be finished, at least for today." By this point, Myra was not even thinking about moving from her eavesdropping spot. This was better than any TV sitcom. "You mean we just have to have fun?" "Yep, that's all there is to it." I'm sure you can picture what happened from there. The mood changed. Myra heard laughter. The rocks began dropping into the wheelbarrow faster and faster. They were telling jokes and finally singing songs when their Dad said, "I'm sorry boys, but that is all the rocks that we have time to pick up today." Even greater was the unspoken message: Each of us has the power to manage ourselves. This is called "personal power," and parents helping their children develop this power for themselves is asset-building at its best.
Asset-building ideas for parents of teens By Marge Wolford, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Pickaway County People who experience a healthy foundation of support, positive self-esteem, boundaries and expectations as they are growing up usually become adults who are trustworthy, have good conversation skills and can deal with conflict in positive ways. They become "asset-building" adults — adults who can help teen-agers around them build their own personal assets. Working parents can find creative ways to build assets with their teens, keeping in mind that asset-building never ends; it continues everyday of every year throughout childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Both formal and informal connections between adults and youth are essential. Try these ideas regularly with teens around you: -- Greet teens by name every time you see them and ask, "How are you doing?" -- Support community efforts to improve schools, teams, youth-serving organizations, either financially or by volunteering. -- Be an active listener when teens want to talk: Give them your full attention, establish direct eye contact and give visual cues that you are listening. -- Schedule regular projects, recreational activities with your teen. Limit the amount of TV. -- Establish family rules and consequences for breaking the rules. For more, see All Kids Are Our Kids (1997) by P.L. Benson, What Teens Need To Succeed (1998) by P.L. Benson, M.A. Galbraith and P. Espeland, and Pass It On (1999), Search Institute. Building community assets on the porch By Barbara Brahm, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Hancock County "Out on the porch…." The very words bring to mind a feeling of warmth and enjoyment as you think of sitting on your own cozy porch reading, rocking, telling stories and sharing with family and friends. Time spent on the porch can provide vivid memories. Porches are important for families and communities. They build togetherness, family strengths and connectedness. Sitting on the porch with family and friends encourages the sharing of traditions and enhances inter-generational relationships. As neighbors form friendships, they begin to appreciate and care about each other. These bonds then help strengthen communities. With many things pulling us away, it may take some special effort to get back to the porch. One way to bring back the "good ol' days" of passing the time sitting on the front porch is to invite neighbors over for some old-fashioned cookies and cold lemonade. You can create some rich, wonderful memories by sipping, sharing and supporting each other! Share old family stories or just talk. Stimulate children's learning by reading to them or having them read to you. Reminisce about your childhood memories, your heroes, or the best gift you ever received. If you don't have a porch, be creative! Sit on your deck or under a big,old shady tree. If you don't like cookies and lemonade, share another favorite snack. The important thing is to get together, start talking, and build relationships! Planning a fancy gathering isn't necessary. Often, last-minute get-togethers are the most memorable and enjoyable. Start a neighborhood "porch cookie campaign" and get others involved in the action. You will reap great results! Neighbors start talking. Relationships take bud. Families are strengthened. Youths feel encouraged, supported and connected. Neighborhoods and communities become more cohesive. Plan your porch gathering today!
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All educational programs conducted by Ohio State University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status.June 2001Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President
Agriculture Administration and Director, OSU Extension
TDD No. 800-589-8292 (Ohio only) or 614-292-1868