According to Pittman, mature marriages are not based on romance, good feelings or being in love. They are based on the promise to love "until death do us part." Those who pledge to love at all times and under all circumstances are more comfortable, secure, free and happy than those who marry "for as long as love remains." Committed couples work together to solve difficulties. They practice fidelity _ faithfulness to the marriage vows in the face of temptation. 

Tenderness also plays an important role in enduring marriages, Pittman says. Partners go out of their way to be polite, kind and loving toward each other. When they disagree or get hurt, they don't accuse each other of doing something wrong, but talk calmly about the issue. Because they don't worry about who is right and who is wrong, both partners win. 

An active, exclusive sexual relationship strengthens the marriage bond. Pittman says that within a committed relationship, sex allows partners to be intimate, vulnerable, gentle, unselfish and passionate. Partners expose themselves fully, confiding all they want and need. Marriages that withstand change, challenges, aging, loss and disappointment are based on total commitment. 
 
by:  Joyce A. Shriner, Family & Consumer Sciences Agent, OSU Extension, Hocking County 

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Researchers Barbara Mitchell and Ellen Gee became interested in how boomerang kids affected parental marital satisfaction. Their study of 172 families showed that the majority of parents with boomerang children, 73 percent, were very satisfied with their marriages. Parents who had been married once and those who were in good health were more inclined to report being very satisfied. The data also showed that parents maintained their marital satisfaction when children returned home one or two times, but were less satisfied when children continued to leave and return. 

Boomerang children negatively affected their parents marital satisfaction when the parents were remarried or in poor health, when the mother had a poor relationship with the child, and when the parents' initial expectations were that the child was leaving home for good. 

Overall, boomerang kids have little negative affect on parental marital satisfaction. The presence of adult children in the home may even provide benefits in the form of extra resources, additional emotional support and help with household chores. 

   To read more:  

Cherlin, A. (1993). Personal communication. In Olson, D. H., & DeFrain, J. (1994). Marriage and the family diversity and strengths. Mountain View, Ca.: Mayfield Publishing Company. 

Mitchell, B. A., & Gee, E. M. (1996). "Boomerang kids" and midlife parental marital satisfaction. Family Relations, 45, 442-448. 

by:   Joyce A. Shriner, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension, Hocking County 

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Myth 1: You and your spouse expect exactly the same things from marriage. 
But remember, you grew up in different households with different rules, expectations and roles. You can't assume that your partner will have the same "script" as you do. The expectations you bring to marriage can make or break your relationship. The more openly you discuss your differing expectations, the more likely you are to create a better partnership. 

Myth 2: Everything good in your relationship will get better. 
Romance in the beginning of a relationship doesn't last forever. This illusion is what gets a lot of people in trouble. In reality, people tend to construct an idealized image of the person they marry. After you're married for awhile, you realize you've married a human being and not an image. The good news is that disenchantment enables you to move into a deeper intimacy. 

Myth 3: Everything bad in your life will disappear. 
Many people marry to erase loneliness or avoid unpleasantness. But marriage doesn't erase personal pain. People get married primarily to further their own well-being, not to take care of someone else. The feelings and traits you had before marriage will still be with you after you marry. Marriage is a way of living and you can't expect it to be all sunshine and roses, but given time, it can become a powerful healing agent. Good marriages take work. 

Myth 4: Your spouse will make you whole. 
People who believe this myth become dependent on their spouse in unhealthy ways. These couples rely on their spouse for continued support, assurance and wholeness. Usually this is coupled with low self-esteem and a sense of inferiority that is easily controlled by their partner. These people are not interested in nourishing a relationship but in being nourished by their spouse. They believe that simply by being married, they will be whole. 

If you've ever held such fables to be true, don't despair. Successful marriages work patiently to challenge and dispel these myths. 
 
by:  Nancy Recker, Family & Consumer Sciences Agent, OSU Extension, Allen County 

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Criticism:  Criticism involves attacking someone's personality rather than the behavior. 

Contempt:  Contempt involves intentionally insulting or psychologically abusing your spouse. It is aimed right at the heart and causes pain. Name-calling, hostile humor and mockery are examples of contempt. 

Defensiveness:  Defensiveness follows contempt. If a partner feels victimized, the natural inclination is to become defensive. 

Stonewalling:  If verbal attacks and contempt overwhelm a person, he or she eventually stops responding. Stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance and smugness. 

By learning to fight fair, marriage can flourish. 

by:  Nancy Recker, Family & Consumer Sciences Agent, OSU Extension, Allen County 

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