Helping You Balance Work and Family 
Date: January 2001 Volume:  9   Issue:  10 
 

In This Issue Help children develop cultural competence LifeTime tip Recognizing fathers Building resiliency As children grow: When you don't see, ask Help children develop cultural competence    As our world becomes increasingly more diverse, it is important for children to develop the knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural and ethnic backgrounds. And yet research suggests that less than 35 percent of our youth possess this skill, often called cultural competence. Parents who wish to develop a culturally competent home environment first need to examine their own attitudes and behaviors. It is unreasonable to expect our children to behave in ways that we do not. So, if we wish for our children to be culturally competent, then we must be culturally competent. For this to happen, we need to be accepting of and open-minded about differences. And more importantly, we need to actively seek out opportunities to develop cultural competence. If we take a passive approach, we tend to fall into a pattern that fails to counteract the pervasive negative messages about cultural and ethnic differences.  Here are 10 ways that busy families can learn more about other cultures and develop cultural competence: • Honor and celebrate the holidays of different ethnic and religious groups. • Bring books, dolls, music, images, and toys into your home that reflect diversity. • Explore your own family’s cultural and ethnic heritage. • Visit culturally rich art galleries and museums. Attend culturally diverse dance performances, musicals, concerts, festivals and other events. • Show that you value diversity in the friends you choose and in the businesses you utilize. • Talk about stereotypes and discrimination. Encourage children to tell you if they witness prejudice or are a victim of it. • Get involved with an organization that works in the area of social justice. • Be respectful. Create a family rule that makes it unacceptable to tease others because of their culture or ethnicity. • Broaden your family’s social circle. Provide opportunities to interact with people with different cultures, ethnic backgrounds, religions and abilities. • Be patient. Change takes time. Realize that transforming attitudes and behaviors can be challenging. The development of cultural competence never ends. It is a continual journey, not a destination, which we all need to be aware of and comfortable with. We must recognize that we live in a society that has pervasive cultural biases and prejudices. Parents must take an active role in fostering children’s cultural competence. Indeed it is our willingness to talk about cultural differences and take an active role in challenging the prejudices in our society that will help our children be knowledgeable about and comfortable with difference. By Laura Stanton, Family and Consumer Sciences and Community Development Agent in Butler County for Ohio State University Extension   LifeTime Tip Certain psychological and social characteristics are present in strong families that cope with change. These characteristics include: commitment, appreciation, time together, faith and values, and coping skills. Source: Stinnett, N., & DeFrain, J. (1985). Secrets of Strong Families. Boston, MA: Little, Brown, & Co.   Back to the top Recognizing fathers During the last 30 years or so, as more and more women entered the paid work force, a lot of attention was directed toward mothers and the impact of mothers’ employment on children’s well-being. The sum total of these studies indicates that children are equally well off with employed moms and stay-at-home moms — and many studies indicate that children with employed moms are better off!  With all this attention on mothers’ careers, however, no one thought to ask about fathers’ roles in children’s well-being. Only recently have we started to look at the ways fathers’ relationships with their children affect children’s well being, and we are learning that fathers are extremely important. Two works, Betty Hart and Todd Risley’s “Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experience of Young American Children” (1995) and Diane E. Papalia and Sally Wendkos Olds’ “Human Development”, 7th Edition (1998), offer some insight. They say that the quality of fathers’ relationships with their children has both short-term and long-term implications. Early in life, for example, children need loving stimulation to facilitate brain development. Children’s cognitive development is enhanced when mothers and fathers spend time talking with their children, even when the children are too young to understand the meanings behind the words. By adolescence, children whose fathers are actively involved in their lives tend to earn better grades, to have more positive peer relationships, and to be less susceptible to negative peer pressures.  In addition, adolescents whose parents — both fathers and mothers — know their friends and monitor their activities are much less likely to use alcohol, drugs, or to become sexually active. The positive effects of fathers’ involvement with their children last well into adulthood.  Career success, the ability to get along with co-workers, and the ability to create satisfying social relationships have been linked with the quality of the relationship adults shared with their fathers when they were children.  And, fathers’ time spent with daughters, particularly during adolescence, may be especially important. Fathers serve as an example to their daughters that teaches what a loving relationship should look like. Fathers who demonstrate kindness, respect, and understanding teach daughters to expect similar treatment from their mates. • By Cynthia B. Torppa, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent in Morrow County  for Ohio State University Extension   Building resiliency Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from stress and crisis. According to the National Network for Family Resiliency, it is displayed in individuals as optimism, resourcefulness and determination.  Parents can help their children become more resilient in a number of ways:  • Spend time together. That says, “I value you. You are worth taking time for.”  • Join community programs that offer opportunities that encourage one-to-one relationships between adults and youth.  • Listen to others without distractions or pre-judgments.  • Strive for understanding by repeating what you think you heard and ask for clarification.  • Involve all family members in decision-making.  • Establish traditions and rituals that build a sense of identity and belonging-ness.  • Be available for your children  — show interest in them, do things together, and talk with them.   By Lynda K. Fowler, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent in Crawford County for Ohio State University Extension   Back to the top As children grow: When you don’t see, ask  Watching children grow into teenagers can be a scary thing for parents. Even though you can’t be with them all day, there are ways you can stay connected with your teens and involved in their daily activities. Here are some ideas from David Andrews, now dean of Ohio State University’s College of Human Ecology, which he collected for the newsletter Positive Parenting: • Become involved in school. Volunteer to  chaperone events. Attend parent-teacher meetings and get to know your teen’s teachers. These folks get to see your kids in a variety of setting with lots of different people. They can get a real feel for what’s going on with your teen. Let the teachers know that you are interested. • Get to know your teen’s friends. It’s no secret that adolescents are very influenced by peer pressure. Spend time in the car or at home listening to the conversations your kids have with their friends (not eavesdropping, just quietly spending time with them, listening). Encourage your kids to have friends over to your home, so you can spend some time with them. • Get to know the parents of your teen’s friends. You can learn a lot about your teen’s friends by getting to know their parents. When you drop off your teen at the friend’s house for the evening, go to the door to meet and talk with the parents. • Set a routine to help you know where your teenagers are. Supervised after-school activities and sports can help you know what your teens are doing. Use adults you trust to help you keep an eye on your kids. Asking others about your son or daughter isn’t spying, it’s good parenting. If what you are hearing from other people matches what you see and hear from your own child, you will learn to trust your kids more. The best way to know what your kids are doing is to watch them, but when that isn’t possible, rely on others. • Adapted from the pamphlet, Ideas for Parents of Adolescents, by Ohio State University Extension Agents Linette Goard, Becky Baer and Becky Collins    Back to the top

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