Let's face it. When two families come together in a step or blended family situation, there are bound to be bumps along the way. Drs. John and Emily Visher, authors of several books on stepfamily relationships, cite seven common myths about stepfamilies: 

Myth No. 1: There is instant love between the child and stepparent. Just because you love your new spouse doesn't mean your children will, too. Relationships take time. Don't try too hard or expect too much. Let respect and friendship blossom naturally.

Myth No. 2: Adjustment to stepfamily life happens quickly. Even though you want things to be great right away, it takes time. And because stepfamilies are complicated, it takes even more time to get to know each other and create positive relationships.

Myth No. 3: Stepfamilies are the same as first-marriage families.  In a stepfamily, a previous relationship predates this new family and members come with expectations from these families. Children are often members of two households and this new family may bring more losses and changes to their lives, as well as different rules and expectations.

Myth No. 4: Stepmothers are wicked. Don't believe fairy tales. It is the relationship that is developed between the stepmother and stepchildren that matters.

Myth No. 5: Children whose parents divorce and remarry are damaged permanently. It is usually painful for children when their parents divorce, but only about one-third of children in such families have long-term adjustment problems. 

Myth No. 6: Children will adjust better to the stepfamily if their biological parent withdraws. Most children adjust better if they have access to both biological parents. If there is no contact, children tend to fantasize and the missing parent becomes idealized. The children have no reality check. It helps a child's growth and development if they have contact with both parents.

Myth No. 7: Stepfamilies formed after a parent dies are easier. People need time to grieve, and if remarriage happens too quickly, children may see this as a betrayal of their dead parent. The person who dies may also "acquire a halo" which is very difficult for a stepparent to deal with.

As a stepfamily, make sure children have special one-on-one times with their parents. Recognize unrealistic expectations of your own so you're not disappointed if things don't go the way you'd like. But most of all, communicate and work together to nurture your "couple relationship" as well as your "family relationship." Over time, as relationships solidify, it is easier to work together as a household.

For more information on stepfamily issues, look for How to Win as a Stepfamily (1991) or Therapy with Stepfamilies (1996) by the Vishers (New York: Brunner/Mazel Publishers), or Coping with Divorce, Single Parenting and Remarriage: A Risk and Resiliency Perspective, edited by E.M. Hetherington (New Jersey: Lawrence Erbaum Associates, 1999).

Source:  By Nancy Recker, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University  Extension, Allen County

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How successful are parents in managing work and family life?

Children in third through twelfth grades were asked how successful their parents were in managing their work and parenting responsibilities. Sixty-nine percent felt their fathers were very successful and 74 percent felt their mothers were very successful. When parents were asked the same question about themselves, only 31 percent of the fathers and 34 percent of the mothers felt very successful in managing work and parenting responsibilities. Children may have a much better perception of how parents are doing with managing multiple roles than the parents themselves do.

Source: Galinsky, Ellen. Ask the Children: What America's Children Really Think About Working Parents (New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1999).

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Balancing family responsibilities, employer's expectations, some personal time (what's that, you say?), and volunteer commitments can seem impossible. It can be done, but very few people can do it all without help and support of family, friends and employers.

Thankfully, many of today's employers are implementing initiatives to help - initiatives that also reduce turnover and absenteeism, improve employee loyalty and commitment to the workplace, and help maintain trained staff. The National Institute of Business Management recently released a publication recognizing 20 of the Most Innovative Work/Life Programs (Virginia: National Institute of Business Management, 1999). Successful programs ranged from family care programs to flexible work and staffing arrangements, benefit programs, financial counseling, wellness counseling, and personal convenience services such as food shopping and dry cleaner pick-ups.

Some employers allow their employees to telecommute, job share, or work a compressed work week. One company provides full-time employees with the opportunity to work part-time for up to two months while maintaining full-time benefits. This program could benefit an employee who recently had a baby or someone taking care of an aging or ill family member. 

Varied work arrangements provide alternatives to traditional work weeks. One option includes working fewer than five days with at least one longer than eight hours. Other employees work 12-hour weekend or evening shifts to help them balance their work and personal lives. Part-time employment with regular hours or a variable work schedule might be another alternative. 

Job sharing enables an employer to fill a full-time position, sharing it between two people. Employees might share one job or split the job into two separate positions.

Telecommuting involves working at home or another off-site location. Employees often telecommute between one and three days a week. Successful telecommuting requires having appropriate equipment for an employee committed to the plan. One company found that the telecommuters improved productivity by an average of 20 percent and took 3.5 fewer sick days per year. 

According to the report, these and all successful work/life programs must be designed to fit the company's strategic plan, provide a return on the employer's investment, connect with traditional benefits, and be evaluated by both the employer and the employee as beneficial and useful. Investigating time-management options is one step to a more balanced work and personal life.

Source:  By Chris Olinsky, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent, Ohio State University Extension, Montgomery County

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There's good reason they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Breakfast "breaks the fast" that has lasted for 10 to 12 hours since the last meal. The body uses glucose or blood sugar for energy. Excess glucose is stored by the liver as glycogen, which can be released as needed. By mid-morning, glycogen stores are virtually depleted if breakfast is skipped. As a result, the body has very little quick energy available.

Children who skip breakfast may be hungry, lethargic and lack ability to concentrate. Research shows that many children who skip breakfast score lower on standardized tests, have more behavior problems, and are tardy and absent more often.

There are many easy and nutritious breakfast options. Try to include a fruit or vegetable, a bread or cereal, and a protein food in every breakfast: 

•  Breads and cereals: Bagel, waffle, muffin, English muffin, cereal, toast, graham cracker, breakfast or granola bar.
• Fruits: Apple, pear, banana, orange, strawberries, juices.
• Vegetables: Tomato, vegetable juices.
• Dairy: Milk, milk shakes, yogurt, pudding, cheese chunks.
• Meats: Sliced ham or turkey, browned sausage, peanut butter, hard boiled eggs.

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This holiday season, American consumers charged $126.5 billion, according to CardWeb.com and RAM Research Group. Now it is time to pay the piper. If you over-extended your credit this year, here are a few ideas for getting things under control:

Check your statements to make sure the charges are correct.

Contact credit card companies to negotiate a lower interest rate. 

Consolidate credit card balances onto the lowest rate card you have. Or, find a new lower rate card and transfer balances to it. Then close the older high-rate accounts. 

Before transferring balances, determine how interest is calculated. Interest calculated on the adjusted balance is most advantageous to you. Interest calculated on the two-cycle average daily balance is most expensive. 

Avoid unnecessary costs. Try to avoid cards that charge an annual fee. 

Pay the highest amount possible on the card with the highest interest while making minimum payments on lower rate accounts until all are paid. 

Pay your account on time, and don't go over your credit limit. Each of these mistakes can cost as much as $30 per month. In addition, some companies also raise interest rates. If a late payment fee takes your balance over the credit limit, you must pay a late fee, an over-the-limit fee, and increased interest. 

If you have a savings account earning a small rate of interest, use it to pay off higher rate credit accounts. 

Once your credit cards are paid, start a savings account and develop a budget to eliminate the problem next year.

Source:  By Diane Johnson, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent, Ohio State University Extension, Darke County 

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