Helping You Balance Work and Family
 Volume:  10   Issue:  7
 

In This Issue  Television - A Sleeping Giant? Parents: Rethink your anger Discipline that works Parent involvement in education is critical From the Experts: Keeping Connected with the Kids Return to LifeTime Index Television - A Sleeping Giant? By Pamela Leong, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Shelby County Today's children are often described as less resourceful, less imaginative and not as motivated as they used to be. Three out of 10 children are considered learning disabled to one degree or another. School standards are under attack. And, since 1955, scholastic achievement test scores have steadily declined. Many groups are fighting back by establishing literacy programs and state exams. Americans want their children to succeed. So why aren't things turning around? There is one sleeping giant that many parents ignore the effects of.: Watching too much television has damaging effects on children's developmental growth. On the average, a preschool child watches 30 hours of television a week. By the time he graduates from high school, he has clocked up 20,000 hours in front of the TV, compared to 13,000 hours spent in school. Sitting in front of a TV requires nothing from a child. Time spent in front of the TV is time not spent on developing the skills a child needs, especially in his formative preschool years, to become an intelligent, creative, competent adult. In order to grow and develop, children need to spend time in imaginative, active play. Play is a child's work. During play children can practice their fine and gross motor skills, develop communication and social skills, and use their eyes to see and explore the environment around them. A child can figure out how to catch a firefly, identify a bushy tailed animal, how to balance on a two-wheeler, how to carry on a conversation and learn in an active rather than a passive way. According to John Rosemond, family psychologist and author of Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, "If a child spends a third of his formative years in front of the TV, he is going to be a less competent person than he originally had the potential of becoming." While television alone is not totally responsible for all children's low test scores, it is a powerful influence. If your family watches a lot of television, try this little test. Take TV privileges away for one week. Notice whether your family tries to find other things to do together or if they whine and gripe and focus their energy on trying to get the television turned back on. As the first and most important teachers, parents can help their children find more constructive things to do with their time than waste away in front of the television set. Encourage children to play games, go for walks, look at family photo albums, share chores, visit neighbors and friends, read, sing, and simply enjoy family time together. When parents help their children put TV viewing into perspective, children learn far more than the television can ever take away. Back to the top Parents: Rethink your anger By Cora French, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent, Ohio State University Extension, Lake County Do you often wonder why you get so upset at your children when they do something wrong? As parents, we tend to have unrealistic expectations of our children and not always understand what they are going through physically or emotionally. Every parent gets angry with his or her child; it is as much of parenting as changing diapers. However, parents do OK with diaper changing and yet few know how to handle their anger well. It is OK to feel angry. As a parent, a lot of things happen every day to trigger our anger. It is also important to understand where your children are coming from given their age and development stage. First, recognize when you are angry. Next, empathize and see the point of view of the child who is making you angry. Then, think about what was like to be your child's age. Can you remember what is was like learning to make your bed, tie your shoes, and always putting toys away after playing with them. These are skills that each of us learned to do at a certain stage of our development. Each child goes through the development stages according to their own biological clock. As a parent, this can be frustrating because each child may learn the same skill at a different age. The process of learning can be slow and frustrating for both the parent and child. For example: o A 4-year-old will ask questions and interrupt you when you are talking with another person. The skill to practice is waiting to speak instead of interrupting. Gently remind them that you are talking and will give them your full attention as soon as you are done. Respect your child's growing capacity for language and allow time for it to develop. o Your 8-year-old refuses to set the table for dinner. First, make sure the chore is age-appropriate, clearly define what is expected, and check to see that the chore has a beginning and an end. Let your children know when they have done well,and, if not so well, work with them kindly and calmly to improve upon their efforts. The skill is teaching responsibility. Remember our children are our greatest assets. If we nurture them and sprinkle them with love, they will grow into strong healthy, happy adults. For more information, see: How To Set Limits, 1997, Elizabeth C. Vinton M.D., Contemporary Books, or RETHINK Anger Management, 1997, Colorado State University Cooperative Extension.   Back to the top   Discipline that works By Lois Clark, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent for Ohio State University Extension in Auglaize County According to Webster's New World Dictionary, "discipline" is training that develops self-control. In other words, parents discipline to teach their children how to control their actions. This teaching involves four steps. The first step is telling children what they have done wrong. The second is saying why the behavior is inappropriate. The third step is sharing what appropriate behavior is. And the fourth step is telling the child why the behavior is appropriate. Unfortunately, parents often do just the first step: They tell their children what they have done wrong. The child may not know why it was wrong or what could be done instead and why. Only by going through each of the four steps can children "learn" from their actions and know what to do differently the next time. In addition to teaching the child what to do, it is also important to be consistent. If the behavior is inappropriate on Monday when the child does it, it is also inappropriate on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. As parents, it is hard to "parent" all the time, especially when you are very tired or just don't feel like it. Children, however, need the security of knowing parents will be consistent. This consistency helps the child learn that if he does something inappropriate, there will consistently be a consequence. It is also important for parents to set a good example for their children. Parents serve as role models for their children. Since actions speak louder than words, parents need to be careful about what they do. If a parent says a "bad" word, the child will think that it is OK to say bad words. If parents take something that they shouldn't, children will believe they can take something they shouldn't. Parents should model the behaviors they would like their children to copy. Back to the top Parent involvement in education is critical In the past two decades, a growing body of research shows the importance of strong parent involvement in education. Academic achievement for children and schools is linked to parental involvement and meaningful partnerships in all areas of school and community life. Unfortunately, two-breadwinner families, one-parent families, and parents who hold more than one job have many demands on their time. Sixty-six percent of employed parents with children under 18 say they do not have enough time for their children. Still, even busy parents often find time to be involved by: Providing a home environment that supports children's learning needs. Becoming activists and decision makers in organizations such as the local PTA/PTO, or community advocacy groups that advise local school boards and school districts. Attending school-sponsored activities. Maintaining open channels of communication with the teachers and continually monitoring children's progress in school. Tutoring the children at home, using specific learning activities designed by the teacher to reinforce work being done in the school For more ideas on "Parent Involvement in Education," see the Ohio State University Extension fact sheet at http://ohioline.osu .edu/flm00/fs01.html.   Back to the top From the Experts: Keeping Connected with the Kids By Jacqueline J. Kirby, Ph.D., Ohio State University Extension Specialist, Parenting Want to stay connected with the kids during the chaos of summer's final days? Here are a few suggestions: Put notes on pillows, mirrors, or in backpacks telling them how much you love them or are thinking of them. Send a letter on tape to them at camp in a care package full of their favorite goodies. Purchase a pre-paid phone card for them to use at camp or when staying with relatives. Have older children check in frequently via cell phones or text messaging. Turn off the phone and television and make family dinners a priority occasion for catching up on the day's events. Back to the top

All educational programs conducted by Ohio State University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status.

Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President 
Agriculture Administration and Director, OSU Extension 
TDD No. 800-589-8292 (Ohio only) or 614-292-1868