Adults often like to remember how much fun it was to be a child, because “children never have any worries.” Unfortunately, it’s not true. Children of all ages do have worries, just as their parents do. 

Stress affects anyone who is feeling overwhelmed. This can happen for a child who is in a new environment — a new daycare provider or a new class at school, for example. For small children, the greatest stressor is separation from their parents. For older children, school and peer pressures can create great stress. In addition, even the most well-meaning parents can cause stress for their children as they encourage high academic and social success. 

According to the Nemours Foundation, a non-profit provider of children’s healthcare in Delaware, Florida and surrounding states, a primary difference between adults and children is that children generally don’t recognize that it’s stress they’re feeling and don’t know how to deal with it. Children who experience a difficult situation, particularly if it is long-lasting such as a serious illness, a major disruption in the family, or ongoing difficulties at school, may begin to show physical symptoms of stress. These can include headaches, upset stomachs and sleep disturbances. They may also seem worried, anxious, clingy, and may regress to earlier behaviors.

How can parents help their children deal with stressful times? 

• Accept his or her normal limitations.
• Celebrate the child’s successes.
• Talk with the child about how he or she feels, and listen to what the child says.
• Spend time together.
• Acknowledge the stresses he or she is experiencing.
• Accept some rebellion.
• Answer children’s questions honestly.
• Set a good “stress management” example. 
• Laugh and enjoy everyday activities together.
• If the stress symptoms seem too great or last too long, consult a health professional.

Both parents and children can learn that most stressful situations change and generally improve with a little bit of time. Perhaps one of the most useful skills to develop in good stress management is a degree of patience, mixed with a healthy sense of humor.

For more information, check the Nemours Foundation website (http://KidsHealth.org/).

By Sharon Lewis, Family and Consumer Sciences agent for Ohio State University Extension, Portage, Stark and Summit counties

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Moms: Be positive about work

In general, children think their mothers don’t like their work as much as mothers say they do. Perhaps that’s not as surprising as it sounds. If you’re a mom, how often have you used the statement, “I have to go to work,” or, “I wish I didn’t have to leave you and go to work.” These statements send negative messages about work. What perceptions are you giving your children about your work? Is it boring or fun, awful or challenging, stressful or meaningful? Think about it the next time you talk to your child about your job.

By Jan Thompson, Leader, Work/Life/Health Issues, Ohio State University Extension

Source: Galinsky, Ellen. Ask the Children: What America’s Children Really Think About Working Parents (New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1999).

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Stress. Just the word itself brings up negative images of the effects it has on our physical and mental health. But did you know that all stress is not harmful and some stress in our lives can be beneficial? 

Dr. Hans Selye, the noted Canadian physiologist and author of Stress Without Distress, demonstrated that stress can be challenging and useful.  A certain amount of stress is stimulating and can make life interesting. We often do our best work when we are busy and challenged. As a source of motivation, stress can encourage us on to creative work. Stress can also protect us by arousing our sense of fight or flight in situations that can be harmful. 
Stress can be difficult to define and identify because stress is not the same for everyone. Each of us responds to stress differently. What causes stress in one person — a new project at work, for example — can be an exciting challenge and a motivation to do one’s best for another. Too much of a good thing, including stress, can be overwhelming. However, it is not stress that makes us ill, but how we respond to stressful events.

The minor symptoms of stress, including headaches and stomach upset, are the early warnings that your life is getting out of hand and you need to do a better job of balancing life’s demands. Studies by psychologist Dr. Suzanne Kobasa have shown that some people are less vulnerable to stress and have characteristics that are associated with a decreased incidence of illness and absenteeism in the workplace. In addition to exercise and social support, these characteristics include control, challenge, and commitment. Kobasa found that when people with psychological hardiness encountered a stressful event — whether positive or negative — they considered the event interesting and felt that they could influence the outcome. People with a hardy attitude also saw the stressful event as an opportunity for growth and personal development. 

Stress is part of our lives. It can be the “kiss of death” or the “spice of life.” Learning to enjoy the challenge of stress takes practice, but it can be fun. When we see stress as a challenge rather than a threat and feel in control of our life situation, we feel vital rather than overcommitted and overwhelmed.

By Jennifer Nickol, Family and Consumer Sciences agent for Ohio State University Extension, Hamilton County

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As I was driving home from work a month or two ago, I momentarily felt some twinges of ambition. Most of the time I try to ignore those feelings, but that evening I knew the over-flowing hamper was creating a safety problem in our small bathroom and the kitchen floor would never pass health standards. 

However, the telephone was ringing as I walked in the door. My son, who lives two hours away, was on his way to Detroit on business and wanted to stop. Since our front door is open to our children, no matter the time of day or night, I simply asked how soon. 

Over hastily constructed ham sandwiches and milk, we had a wonderful evening of conversation. As a result of this unplanned event, the dirty laundry collection continued to grow and the gritty floor became more unsanitary.
This is the way life should be: We should always have time for family and friends. Then why do we feel so guilty over growing piles of dirty laundry? Why do we allow those self-imposed duties overwhelm us into a mountain of stress? While those chores will wait, the time with him won’t. There will never be another Feb. 8, 2000, to spend with him. 

By Ruth Ann Foote, Family and Consumer Sciences agent for Ohio State University Extension, Mercer County

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Women in the work force have increased substantially in the last few decades. The percent of married couples where both the husband and wife work outside the home grew from 32 percent in 1972 to 58.5 percent in 1998. 
What does this mean for families? There may be a great deal of stress, especially when the role of “the woman of the house” is undefined. When mom adds the role of “employee” to her list of tasks without anyone sharing the position of “homemaker,” the whole household can feel the impact.

Families who have been able to divide household tasks between members tend to feel less stress. Children can set the table, load a dishwasher, and put their dirty clothes in a hamper. Spouses can vacuum, wash windows, and prepare meals. 

However, research reveals that women still do two-thirds of all household chores. How do you get family members involved? 

• Let the family know you need their help. Just because women always did a household task does not mean they have to do that job today.
• List chores. Family members need to know who will be responsible for a household job.
• Be willing to teach family members how to do their new job. Make your standards clear and allow time for learning. Make job cards that tell how to complete a cleaning job.
• Give praise. Let family members know you appreciate what they do for the “family.” It is not done just for mom/wife.

Change happens slowly. Be patient, if you keep doing the household task, nobody will see the need to share in the tasks. When everyone shares in the work, your house becomes a family home.

For more information, see the Ohio State University Extension Fact Sheet It’s Not My Job! Dividing Household Tasks (http://ohioline.ag.ohio-state.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5316.html).

By Ann L. Fremion, Family and Consumer Sciences agent for Ohio State University Extension, Erie County

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