Holidays can often be a chaotic time for families. There seems to be a thousand things to accomplish, details to take care of, and relatives to visit. Sometimes the task of making everyone's holiday enjoyable and memorable is overwhelming. This task can seem even more formidable for families following divorce or remarriage.

Children typically want to spend time with each parent and this can become increasingly difficult as parents relocate or remarry. In order for your children to see everyone over the holidays, it may mean visiting their father's house, their mother's house, their new stepparent's house and the various grandparents' homes. Even if all family members live close by, this can be a daunting marathon against the clock. And if children live with a single parent and their relatives live far away, it may be necessary to develop new holiday rituals or creative ways to stay in touch with family members.

How can you handle the stress of making everyone happy? Here are some suggestions for making your holidays less of a pressure-cooker and more of a compromise:

• Rotate important holidays with each parent and/or set of grandparents. For instance, children might spend Father's Day at their dad's and Mother's Day at their mom's house. Or consider alternating Thanksgiving by having it at one grandparent's home one year and then at the other set of grandparents the next.
  
  

• When children can't see a parent or grandparent, plan activities that allow them to stay in touch. Ideas for keeping relatives close over the holidays include phone calls, letters, video shots of holiday gatherings, e-mail, sending digital pictures, or care packages with hand drawn pictures or cards.
  
  

• Develop new rituals together. Single parents and blended families can either carry on old traditions or make new ones that match the desires and needs of the current family. For example, for newly remarried families where there are new siblings, have each child write something they like about a new sibling or parent on a piece of a paper chain and hang it on a tree or mantle.
  
  

• Remember... developing new patterns of sharing time between households, feeling a sense of belonging in newly formed families, and developing new traditions takes time. Try different schedules, experiment with a variety of holiday activities, and remember that it isn't realistic to please everyone. Let go of things that don't make sense for the various members of your family.

Talk to your children about your work

Communicating with your children about the work you do and how it relates to the family is essential. Children need to know what parents do in the time they are away from the family, and so working parents need to make special efforts to keep their children informed about their work.

Of course, parents need to decide what to share and what to not share. The benefits of working need to be emphasized more than the challenges and struggles, although it is good for children to understand that work is not always easy and enjoyable.

By talking openly with children about work, they will have a better understanding of what their parents do and how important work is to the family.

Source: Galinsky, Ellen. Ask the Children: What America's Children Really Think About Working Parents (New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1999).

by: Mary Longo
Family and Consumer Sciences Agent
Marion County 
Ohio State University Extension
 

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Have you ever thought, "I can't wait until the holidays are over so things can return to normal?"  Holiday time has become expensive, hectic, impersonal and materialistic. Each December, millions of Americans spend more money than they can really afford, take on more responsibilities than they can comfortably handle, and spend less relaxing time with their families than at any other time of the year! No wonder people feel disappointed. It is not that they dislike the holidays, they don't like what they have become.

The holidays should be a time of joy, when families build traditions that last for generations. According to authors Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli, it is time to "Unplug the Christmas Machine" (Quill, New York, 1991).  In their book, Robinson and Staeheli recommend people focus on what they really want from the holidays. They suggest family members sit down and list the things about the holidays that are most important to them, in order of priority. Then family members need to have a heart-to-heart where they compare lists and choose to concentrate on only the things on their lists that are most important and let go of the things that are less important.

What do children really want? According to Robinson and Staeheli, children have four basic requirements. They include a relaxed and loving time with family; realistic expectations about gifts; an evenly paced holiday season; and reliable family traditions. That's probably what all families want. They can make a commitment toward achieving it.

by: Deb Angell
Family and Consumer Sciences Agent 
Huron County 
Ohio State University Extension
 
 

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Food can play a very important part of our holiday traditions, but let's face it, we want to make wise food choices and not have to buy a new wardrobe for the new year. Here are some tips that can help anyone maintain their weight during the celebrations:

• Don't skip meals. You'll be less likely to snack on fatty foods or binge when you finally do eat.
  
  

• Chew gum if you're likely to snack while preparing food.

• Sip on low-calorie beverages rather than on punch, eggnog or alcoholic drinks.
  
  

• Instead of using chips to scoop dip out of a humongous "community" dip bowl, put a small amount of dip on a plate and select raw vegetables.
  
  

• At buffets, take half portions of everything that looks good. Heavy-up on fruit and vegetables. Eat slowly and savor your food. You're not likely to want seconds.
  
  

• Share a tempting high-fat dessert with a friend or spouse. Half the calories, twice the fun!
  
  

• Don't go to a party tired or stressed. In fact, consider getting some brisk exercise before you shower for a party. It will help you relax and will help decrease your appetite.
  
  

• Don't hang around the bar or the snack table; get involved in conversation instead. Don't forget, alcohol increases your appetite and decreases your willpower.
  
  

• If your work area is lined with chocolates, fudge and high-fat temptations, bring a thermos of coffee from home and some low-cal snacks and avoid the area altogether. Or ......
  
  

• Allow yourself one carefully selected treat at each break time. Just remember, one cookie has about 50 to 75 calories and a 1-inch square of fudge has about 120 calories.

With the holidays comes gift-giving. And with that, comes thank-you notes.

At least, that's what should happen. But too many parents know the embarrassment of being asked, "Did your children like the gifts I sent? I didn't receive a thank-you note, so I wasn't sure they received them."

This year, take matters into your own hands. And make it fun.

One suggestion is to turn thank-you-note-writing into a craft project. Provide colorful paper, pens, markers or pencils, and encourage your children to decorate the hand-made note card using crayons, rubber stamps, glitter and glue.

You might also consider taking pictures of your children playing with the toy or wearing the clothing to include with the note. If the gift-giver wasn't there in person when the children received the gifts, you might also consider including pictures of your children opening them.

Children often need help in deciding what to say in a thank-you note. It needn't be lengthy. Just tell them to express their thanks sincerely, and let the gift-giver know how or where they plan to use the item. It's always nice to express thanks for the gift-giver's thoughtfulness, energy and time spent in choosing the gift.

Whatever you do, pick a good time to write the thank-you notes. Do not begin the project when your children are tired or hungry. Do not ask them to stop in the middle of a game. Pick a time when you can work together without feeling rushed.

Finally, focus on the positive. Make sure you emphasize how good gift-givers will feel when they receive a prompt thank-you.

For more ideas on thank-you notes, see the Ohio State University Extension fact sheet, Being Courteous to the Gift-Giver at http://ohioline.ag.ohio-state.edu/~ohioline/hyg-fact/5000/5170.html.

by: Martha Filipic
Technical Editor
Communications and Technology
The Ohio State University
 

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